The Question That Keeps Being Asked
By michelle | September 9, 2010
Now that we are expecting another baby, I’ve had a several people ask why we keep having children. I’ve heard the shock that many of expressed when they first heard the news as well. I’m sure some of these reactions come as a result of the way our society now views larger families or having children in general. People are waiting longer to have children and even when they do, they are choosing to have fewer children than their parents or grandparents did.
Another reason for these questions certainly has to do with how difficult my pregnancies have been. I’ve had “morning sickness” for more than halfway through my pregnancies. With Bunky, I threw up straight until the end. With Punky, I had pre-eclampsia, and with Spunky, I had pregnancy-induced hypertension. I can see how it would make sense for others to think that difficult pregnancies would mean we would eventually stop having children. But from my perspective, it is always incredibly worth it. I’ll suffer if that means I will have a beautiful baby in the end. Nothing makes more sense than making sacrifices for your children. And my suffering is nothing compared to the suffering of those who are unable to have children. I am thankful, so very thankful, that I am able to bear children.
When people ask me why we keep having children, it is simple for me to formulate an answer:
we love children and we love God.
The two go together. We believe that we are created to love one another and, as a result of that romantic love, to bring forth and raise up children who love God and love others. There is no better way to teach children this than to give them siblings. My children have learned how to share, how to care, how to protect, and how to make their own small sacrifices. They live lives full of love and, together, learn to bear the burdens of life.
Saint John Chrysostom says, “Giving birth to children is a matter of nature. Far more important is the parents’ task of educating their children’s hearts in virtue and piety.” As Christians, we know that our children are never fully ours. They are given to us for this brief period of time, but, truly, they are God’s. He created them, and it is our responsibility to raise them up so that they may learn to love Him and follow His teachings. It is a difficult job, but the rewards are greater than anything we here on Earth.
Every time we’ve had a child, people have made comments implying that it was a good time to stop having children. They tend to assume that, since my hands are so full, we are done having children. But that is not the case. We do not know how many children God will bless us with, but we are incredibly thankful for these precious gifts He has given us. We cannot know what our future holds, but as long as we strive to put God first, I know we will make it through. It might not be easy, but it is worth it!
18 Comments
Elizabeth on September 9, 2010 at 9:05 pm.
yeah; I hear more Mothers of more than two children saying that in the blog world; funny as years ago 6 to 8 was normal. but it sure can be a lot of hard work! praying that God will bless your pregnancy!
Matushka Anna on September 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm.
I have five and compared to some of my friends I have a little catching up to do!
It really stinks to have to listen to that same question phrased in different ways – especially when you are so full of joy at being with child. Sometimes I’ve been tempted from sheer perversity to reply “Oh, I hope we’ll have five or six more…”
Deven Swan on September 9, 2010 at 9:49 pm.
Well said.
Amanda on September 9, 2010 at 9:59 pm.
Michelle, I can’t believe people have made these comments to you.
Children are such a blessing. We plan on having more kids (plural!) someday. How many children you choose to have is not anyone else’s business but your own! 
Alicia on September 9, 2010 at 11:28 pm.
I read once a blog once that a dad responds to “How many are you going to have ?” with “We’ll stop when we get an ugly one.” Then dare them to tell you your youngest one is ugly
Many years of beautiful blessings to you. I am one of those who dealt with infertility and whose hands and heart is now blessedly full through adoption. I am happier then words can ever ever say to know that you are able to conceive, bear, and raise a child in love. It is a gift for ALL of us when that happens.
Alicia in New Zealand
Alicia in New Zealand
Ali on September 10, 2010 at 8:09 am.
Congrats to you on your new addition! That is so exciting! I’ll be praying you have an easier time this time around…although they say the sicker you are the healthier your baby is!
But I know…enough is enough sometimes…a little relief is nice 
I didn’t get sick really with Emmalee…so I do think there is a little truth in the whole being sick thing. Anyway…congrats again!
Renee on September 10, 2010 at 9:27 am.
As frustrating as this is know that you are not alone in many ways–not alone because you have more than average; not alone, because you are not the only one hearing “the comments.” I am sure you saw my post about this topic a few weeks ago. I am about to post in your honor a recent email to a friend about my observations on having children. I think you will like it.
Pres. Kathy on September 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm.
Children are such a blessing! I would say to others – it is in God’s hands!
Magda on September 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm.
They’ve seen your kids and ask why you want more? Are they blind? Just tell them you’re good at your job.
Or that you have a demanding blog audience who wants more pictures of your beautiful family.
When parishioners ask how many kids we’ll have, I tell them the story of how I asked for doughnuts from my parents. My mother would say, “Only three.” My father would say, “One at a time.” (Sometimes I just say, “One at a time.” Even with twins, they only come out one at a time.)
gemma on September 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm.
WOW! I have been away too long. Congratulations – another beautiful baby to add to your already beautiful group is a splendid idea! God has some really good ideas doesn’t He?
Kelly on September 10, 2010 at 2:30 pm.
I get the opposite response…aren’t you going to have more? God knows what we need before we even receive it. My boys are less than a year apart and I don’t know why God gave us the two so close but he did.
For us two is enough. We had some health issues with our younger boy and he defied the odds and never had to have surgery. This is why we chose to stop with two…we considered a third we did and I had tears about not having another. Then suddenly the idea of another brought more anxiety and fear than just the two boys.
I love that some families have 3+, it is what is right for them. This is your family and God has blessed you many times. You’re family is in my prayers. Maybe one day people will stop thinking that the societal norm is 2 and but out of family decisions with their unsolicited opinions.
Mat. Emily on September 10, 2010 at 3:32 pm.
I have already had the question: Are they all yours?
As someone who also has problematic pregnancies, I know that our extended family wants us to stop. I admit being nervous that our children will continue being born earlier and earlier and that the doctors will never be able to figure out what is wrong so that I can carry the babies to term. HOWEVER, it is in God’s hands! Thank God we have had three healthy little ones! God willing, we’ll have more.
Natalie Robinson on September 10, 2010 at 6:21 pm.
Nicely put, Mama. My friend from high school has a 5 yr. old, 3 yr. old, and triplet 1 yr. olds. You can imagine the comments and questions that she has to hear from people on a daily basis. One being the most common, “You must have your hands full.” She now responds, “You should see my heart!” I love it! I’m so happy for you and your growing family. What blessed children you and Nathaniel have to have parents who raise them in the ways of the Lord.
H West on September 10, 2010 at 10:03 pm.
I am EXHAUSTED from listening to peoples’ responses when I announce yet another pregnancy. I’m starting to want to get really snarky with people and say things like, ‘Which one of my children do you think I shouldn’t have had’? It drives me NUTS! Especially when the comments/questions come from the Christians. Fertility is one area where Christians are missing the boat. . .(and I’m not saying that everyone should have endless kids. . .I just think we need a serious kick in the pants with our opinions about ‘life’)
Patty on September 11, 2010 at 12:39 pm.
I had no idea that these comments would start with only three kids! I thought I wouldn’t get them until I’m on Number Four. But then, when I absentmindedly talk about “next time,” people get that look of fear in their eyes (usually not fear of me, but I think fear of the thought of themselves having that many)… “You’re going to have MORE??”
Well said, Michelle! (And I find it interesting to hear it from the perspective of someone who has difficult pregnancies. I feel I have absolutely no right to talk about how having a lot of children is a good thing when I know next to nothing about difficult pregnancies.)
Matushka Anna on September 11, 2010 at 3:46 pm.
Wow! This post really took off!
I started getting the questions after two. TWO! My own mother practically disowned me for a while. (I actually caught flak from her for the post I did on my blog about larger families.)
I’ve been blessed with relatively uncomplicated pregnancies so my hat is off to those who have had difficult ones. In the end, God is completely in control of our fertility. I know this from experience, as I have no idea how #3 came about! God willing we will have more and I’m getting antsy about it (so much for God’s will!) because the “baby” is 3 1/2.
Soldier on, Michelle. However many ugly or tactless comments and questions you get, you can always come here for consolation.
Arielle on September 11, 2010 at 8:32 pm.
I love this post! (And the one on big families from Mat. Anna I just looked up!) Our conviction for our family is to be open to as many children as God sees fit to bless us with. I’m so glad to see other Orthodox Christians with similar convictions. There isn’t enough talked about in Orthodox circles about the blessings of children or the virtue that can be acquired through the raising of children. We’re so busy being “not Catholic” that we’re missing out on the conversation!
My husband’s priest before we were married has nine beautiful, God-loving children, and talks about the blessings of many children. For some reason my browser won’t take me to the link, but if you google “Fr. Josiah Trenham” you’ll find the talks available on orthodoxinfo.com
michelle on September 16, 2010 at 7:27 am.
Please check out Renee’s post: http://theclaytonianchronicle.blogspot.com/2010/09/brimming-with-hope-and-blessings.html