Finding Time When You’re a Stay-at-Home-Mom

A friend recently linked to a column where a woman wrote in asking,

“Why don’t friends with kids have time?”

I think “time” is an word up for interpretation.  Of course, moms have “time”.  Like the time I am using right now to type this blog post.  But these moments are usually short ones, constantly interrupted by the needs of children, legitimate or not, or these moments happen at the end of the day when all the littles one are in bed and Mama stays up until midnight just to get some “me time.”

A typical day for me goes something like this:

I hear the baby crying in his crib around 6:30 or 7am.  I get out of bed, pick up baby and nurse him.  Suddenly, realize that I hear something downstairs.  I peak over the railing with baby still nursing, and discover that Spunky is having another sneaky morning.  She may be eating something in the kitchen that she shouldn’t be or maybe she is going through my purse.  I scold her from the top of the staircase and tell her to come upstairs.  This usually wakes up Punky.  I put on PBSkids while I finish feeding Bunky, changing diapers, getting all three kids dressed, and then getting dressed/showered myself.  Then I wake up my hubby.  On a good day, we will all go downstairs at a decent hour, have breakfast and do our prayers together. This isn’t always the case, but that is my favorite way to start the morning.  Some mornings, the kids and I are downstairs up to two hours before my hubby wakes up- those are the long days.

The big kids usually get along well first thing in the morning, so they play together or color/do a craft at the kitchen table.  When it is nice outside, that is where the remain for a while.  This gives me a chance to feed the baby his breakfast, clean up the kitchen from the night before, and start a load of laundry.  Pretty soon, the big kids are inside asking for a snack.  If is Punky, he is probably on snack #2 by 10:30am- the boy never stops eating!  During the morning, I’ll break up a bunch of fights, kiss boo-boos, put on bandaids, hand out lots of drinks and snacks, change diapers, take Spunky to the potty, feed the dog and let him out, attempt to go to the bathroom by myself (that rarely happens), and talk to my Mama on the phone (I love her!).

In the mornings, I like to read to the kids and do crafts.  Sometimes we bake something together.  If we need to go anywhere, I do that in the morning when they are all happy.  We go grocery shopping or make trips to the library, pharmacy, park, or a doctor’s appointment. Once in a while, we entertain some Mommy-friends and their kiddos (on those days, I wake up extra-early to make sure the how is spic and span before the kids wake up).  Bunky then takes his late morning nap.  I try to take a little bit of time at this point to sit down with a cup of coffee and catch up on the computer, which I’ll check randomly throughout the day, especially whenever Bunky is nursing.

Once I start homeschooling in the fall, I’ll have to use the time when Bunky is napping to homeschool Punky.  The following year, when Spunky has joined Punky, I’ll have even more planning to do (especially as far as time is concerned).

Then it is lunch time.  I typically let each child choose what he or she wants to eat.  After lunch, we do a bit of the same things that we did in the morning, and then it is time for “resting time”.  Spunky takes a nap on most days.  Bunky usually wakes up right at the beginning of “resting time”, which means I will not have a break from children until nighttime, when they are all asleep.  Punky used to enjoy “resting time” more than he does now.  Usually, he is asking for it to end about thirty minutes after it has started, so I’ve been letting him come downstairs and help me with chores, laundry, feed Bunky his lunch or we will do a project together.  Some days, I’ll ask him to play with Bunky just so I can get some laundry folded (you know how great I am at that).

When Spunky wakes up from a nap, a lot of days she asks to watch a movie and have a snack.  I don’t like the kids to watch movies all the time, but after a hard morning, I’ll permit that just so that I can get some things done around the house.  Rainy days are usually movie and big craft days for us.

(My kids are all young still, but soon enough I’ll be taking them to lessons and sports practices or games.  There will also be afternoon play dates, recitals and school ceremonies.)

Dinnertime is the hardest time of day for me.  Bunky is usually getting cranky at that point, Punky is “starving”, and Spunky just wants some Mommy-time.  I try to let them help me out in the kitchen if they can or I’ll let them switch the laundry from the washer to dryer.  Other days, they will play outside or sit at the kitchen table working on something together: playdoh, coloring, practicing writing, painting, etc.  They also like to play the piano and dance together.  My hubby comes downstairs from work around 6 or 6:30.  We all eat dinner together.  One church nights, we eat a bit earlier and then all leave for church together.  After church the kids go straight to bed.

Our kids go to bed around 8:30 during the summer (7:30 when it gets darker earlier), and they love to play outside after dinner.  This means they will need a bath as soon as they come inside.  While they are outside, I’ll clean up the kitchen, start the dishwasher and soak the pots and pans, which I’ll tend to in the morning.  Then right around eight, I’ll take Bunky upstairs and get him ready for bed.  After that, it is bath time.  Prayers, stories and lots of bedtime whining follows the bath, but, eventually, the big kids are in bed.  Many nights, Bunky wakes up around 9:30 crying.  If he can’t get himself back to sleep, I’ll have to go to him and put him back to sleep.  Spunky and Punky both fight bedtime many nights, Spunky fights the hardest.  Some nights we will have to tell her ten times to stay in bed.

But, usually, by 10:00pm the house is completely quiet, and I have some time to myself or time to spend with my husband.  I wash my cloth diapers at the end of the day, which forces me to stay up late because the load takes almost two hours to wash (pre-soak, pre-wash, wash, rinse, spin) and then I have to hang them all up and dry the liners.  Once that is done, around midnight, I can go to bed.  We like to watch movies or shows we’ve DVRed at night.  I like to spend time on my computer, reading blogs, blogging, checking on Facebook, etc.  Some nights, we will have friends over.  They’ll show up around the kids’ bedtime and then we will all just sit around talking over dessert or we’ll watch a movie.

Most nights, I am asleep around midnight…. and then about six or so hours later, I am up to start it all again.  And most nights I don’t get to sleep through the night.  Between Bunky waking up to nurse (thankfully he is finally weaning himself of this), Spunky sneaking into our room to sleep in our “big chair,” and Punky being afraid of the dark or having a bad dream, most nights I get a couple of hours in a row before someone wakes me up. Since Bunky was born, more then ten months ago, I’ve slept eight hours in a row once, seven hours once,  and six and a half another time.

So, for those who wonder why mothers with kids don’t have time, just take a look at my day.  When I finally do have a moment, I need some time to myself so that I can recharge.  I’ve always believed that being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs out there, and now that I am living it every day, I am able to truly appreciate the gift that it is.  I am able to stay home with my amazing children every single day.  Sure, I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived.  Yes, it is draining to rarely have a moment to myself, even to use the bathroom.  BUT it is completely worth it, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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